I’m going to talk about what happens when you have a crush on someone and they turn you down, or their feelings change, and how to deal with the heartache that comes with that rejection. Being rejected is rough no matter how much you expect it and especially when you’ve been together for quite a while.
These are things I have dealt with myself, and what I learned along the way. If you want to know how to deal with your own heartbreak, keep on reading.
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The Initial Rejection
It sucks. There’s no way around it. You’re probably going to cry, depending on the level of feelings you had for the person and for how long. Usually the longer it was, the harder it’s going to be to get over said person. I know. I’ve done it before and I’m doing it again. You’re going to want to scream at the person. Depending on how you channel your anger, you may want to punch them in the face, or punch a wall. It will hurt, but for how long, is up to you.
Dealing with the Rejection
What you need to understand is that people’s feelings change. Sometimes the initial feelings come up from rebounding from a previous crush/relationship. Sometimes people just get overly emotion and have a need for another person. Or it happens if a larger group of their friends start dating and they’re the only one left single. They may actually like you, but as time goes on, realize they don’t have the same feelings they started with. Feelings are fluid and change constantly. Kind of why we have divorce lawyers.
It’s going to be hard at first. Don’t try and repress it. That only makes things worse. If you’re sad, be sad. Don’t think it’s a weak thing to do. If you want to cry, go ahead and cry. It’s going to hurt and crying is a way to release that hurt without going out and you know, punching someone in the face or drinking yourself to oblivion. Even if you’re a guy and you’ve been told crying is a ‘girl’ thing to do. Screw that. Everyone has feelings and when those feels hurt, you can turn into all kinds of levels of wreck without even trying. Screw gender roles and cry if you want to.
Dealing with Heartbreak
If you’re coming out of a relationship, I highly suggest the book It’s called a Breakup Because It’s Broken by Greg Behrendt & Amira Ruotola-Behrendt. It’s geared towards women, but the core concepts work for everyone. I used it when I got out of my first real relationship back in high school. Some of what they make you do seems silly and common sense, but more often than not, you need to just write the things down, and follow their little activities. If you’re a guy and decide to pick this up, fair warning, you will be called a Super Fox throughout the book.
As I’m not a man, I can only speculate on what happens in your minds when going through a breakup/heartbreak.
But what if you weren’t in a relationship? What happens if you’ve been crushing on someone for what seems like forever but then they finally tell you they’re not into you, or that their feelings changed or they start dating someone else? That’s a lot harder to deal with, because you can’t get angry and slap the person across the face, yelling something like “How dare you let me like you and not like me back! You bastard!” because that’s just plain stupid. It might accurately reflect how you feel, but it’s just not something that you should do.
If you sensed the rejection coming, then congrats, you have a bit of a head start. Like any relationship involving romantic feelings of any kind, you’re going to want to distance yourself from the other person. I know that’s going to be tough, especially if you work with, go to school with, or have to see this person on a daily, or weekly basis.
Surround Yourself with Support
It’s going to crush you when you see them. But don’t let that take over your life. Find some new hobby to do, revive and old one, talk to that old friend you haven’t heard from in a while. In other words, take your mind off of everything.
Surround yourself with people who care. I know that’s simple, but in times like this, you tend to realize who actually cares for you. If this was just a crush, some people might just say “Big deal. Get over it.” But that’s just kind of rude. You spent weeks, months or even years pining over someone who just told you “no”. Stay away from people who say negative things. You need positive in your life.
Make Some Changes
Make a change. Not a drastic one, but something small. Have you always wanted to cut your hair really short but never had the courage to do it? Maybe this is the push you need. Wanted to go bungee jumping or sky diving? Fuck the world and go ahead and jump out of that plane! What you shouldn’t do is something deeply rooted in emotions.
Things I would suggest you NOT do:
- Quit your job. (Even if said person works there)
- Get a tattoo. (Unless you planned on getting it all along, but don’t go out and tattoo some sad breakup song lyrics to the inside of your thigh or something)
- Get something unusual pierced. (this I’m iffy on, mainly because piercings can heal. If you don’t like it you can take it out. But they’re also wicked expensive, so unless your budget can handle it, don’t)
- Move to a different apartment, town or state (Disregard this ONLY if you happened to be living with the person and you have somewhere else to go)
- Clear your bank account on some impulse buy. (That just never works… ever)
Keep on Living
Overall, don’t let this be the end of you. If this hasn’t been the first time it’s happened, yes, it’s going to be really hard to bounce back again. I’m still working on that. (So if I come across the secrets of crushes while out tonight, I’ll totally let ya’ll know) But just like any mishap, you need to just deal with it in your own way. Remember: life isn’t based around relationships. There’s more to it than having a boyfriend or girlfriend. Give your life real meaning.
Related: Step-by-Step Self Care Guide
- Rejection sucks, but not having the guts to ask someone out or regretting not doing it is much worse than that initial down.
- Everyone deals with heartbreak differently. I read a book that called me a “Super Fox” the whole time and it was incredibly helpful.
- Not everyone you like is going to like you back. That’s going to hurt, but you can’t make someone like you. That only makes it worse.
- Surround yourself with support. See your friends and family more. Do things to preoccupy yourself to give you time to heal.
- Make a few minor changes. Don’t go moving to Minnesota.
- Keep on keeping on. It’s all you can do.
Have you ever been in this situation? What are your tips for dealing with heartbreak? Let me know in the comments!