Sometimes when you get too comfortable in a relationship, it’s really easy to start to rely on each other for happiness, validation, and to be by your side all the time. This recently happened with me and my SO. I became so attached to him that it was starting to wear on both of us. More often than not, you don’t even realize what has happened until shit starts to hit the fan. That’s entirely okay, but here are a few things I’ve learned.
Don’t Rely on your Partner for Happiness
Your partner may be the most important person in your life. You can’t think of living without them. You might be on the way to spending the rest of your life with them.
But you can’t rely on them for your own happiness. They can add to your happiness, but they can’t be the main reason.
- You can’t stare at your phone waiting for a text or call back.
- You can’t stalk their social media to see what they’re up to in their free time.
- You can’t get mad at them for going out with friends and not you.
- You can’t be mad at them for having their own life
When you’re too attached to your significant other, all those things become reality. I can sadly say I’ve done at least one of those things on that list.
Take a Break
No, I don’t mean it in that way. If you’re constantly in communication, or see each other every day, take a few days to focus on yourselves.
You might be thinking “Well, that’s not that hard!”
If you have any sort of attachment issues, you might have a harder time than you think. The first day I thought everything was going to go over well. I had plans to start moving some of my stuff into my new apartment with a friend, so I had 9:30-5:30 covered at work, and 6-8 covered with moving. No problem, right?
Wrong. I was so wrong.
Not having heard from my SO made my anxiety skyrocket. It also didn’t help that I was having second thoughts on the new apartment I’m moving into. Things looked a lot better during the walk through than they really are. That night I woke up a little after midnight and had a miniature break down because the conversation I was having with him hadn’t quite finished and I was expecting more answers. Then seeing he was active on social media… It was a disaster I wasn’t expecting.
If you’ve come to the conclusion that you are indeed attached to your significant other, you need to change things up. Staying in the same routine can make you feel too comfortable. Take a step out of your comfort zone for a second or two.
Whether that be something small like a new hair cut, or larger like a complete makeover. I have the convenience of moving apartments. While it’s also a source of anxiety for me, it’s also a nice change. It’s going to mix things up. I can decorate, figure out where to put furniture, make it homier.
So if you need a change, maybe hit up a hair salon and get a new style. Hit up the makeup counter at your favorite department store or makeup store and get a bit of a makeup makeover. Take a different way home from work. Go for a walk if you normally don’t.
Focus on Yourself
Have a bit of “me” time. Remember when you had hobbies that you were really passionate about? When was the last time you took time out of your busy schedule to have time for yourself?
If you’re spending all of your time focused and attached to your significant other, you tend to leave yourself on the back burner.
Take a bath with a bath bomb. Meditate for a bit. Have a good workout session. Focus on yourself. If you’re like me and have always put others before yourself, it might be hard or uncomfortable to spend time with yourself.
Look into Therapy
Sometimes things go deeper than you realize. If you felt really uncomfortable trying to work on yourself then there might be some underlying issues that need to be resolved. Being attached to your significant other might be a sign of a bigger problem.
Therapy isn’t something to look down upon. There are a multitude of reasons to see a therapist and most of them don’t require you to be “crazy”. Having someone to check in with every now and again is a great way to maintain good mental health. It’s also better that the someone you talk to isn’t a friend or family member. It’s easy to forget that while they may be willing and able to be a sounding board, it’s easy for them to be overwhelmed. They also may not be as neutral in advice either.
I see a therapist about once a month to go over the daily grind that I deal with. It’s also helping me deal with some of my issues from my past. Sometimes you become so accustomed to something that you think it’s normal. Having someone look you in the eyes and say “that’s not normal” or “you have all the reasons in the world to be angry at that” is refreshing.
Have you ever been in this situation? Have any other advice? Want to talk about it? Leave a comment!