If you clicked on this post thinking it was going to be warm and fuzzy, I’m sorry, it’s going to have some bitter undertones. While I’m sure there were fun and happy times when I was growing up, the bad tend to stick out more than the good. Like, when you get all A’s on a report card but that one C in your worst subject. No amount of A’s is going to make you feel better about that C.
Verbal abuse, enabling, and assets of narcissistic personality disorder were what I remember most of my childhood. A lot of that was considered “normal” for my parents, so it became the norm for me as well. Like I said, I’m sure there were some great times, but as I get older those memories fade. I learned a lot of things despite my parents. So here are the 5 Things I Learned from Being Raised By My Parents.
1. Respect Through Fear Isn’t Respect (It’s just fear)
I viewed my dad as a tyrant as a child. He definitely went towards the “shut up and listen” form of teaching and parenting. Unfortunately, he has a habit of thinking he’s told you things, or expects you to read his mind, so as a child, not knowing what he was thinking was terrifying.
There was no physical abuse I can remember, everything was verbal. My dad is a large man and when you’re a tiny child and a 6-foot, 250+ pound man starts booming around the house, throwing things, yelling at you for no explained reason, it got pretty scary.
There’s a quote I’ve found that perfectly explains how I felt:
2. The World Isn’t Out to Get Me
While not something my dad could control, he is severely paranoid. He won’t admit it, obviously, but his level of thinking people are out to get him is much higher than the average person.
A lot of my childhood was plagued with “They’re not really you’re friend” and “They don’t really like you” and similar statements. As someone who already had low self esteem, having a parent tell you this is devastating. Everyone was always lying to me according to him. This included the friend I had since kindergarten. He was convinced she wasn’t really my friend… It took 20 years for us to finally drift apart.
The rest of the world is so busy worrying about themselves that no one really cares about you. If they do, they’re assholes (usually).
3. You Can Do Everything Right and Still Be Blamed
I found myself grounded a lot as a child. Looking back, I really don’t know why. I wasn’t a bad kid. I was quiet, had decent grades (math brought me down a bit), had hit my prime writing obsession, and was petrified to disobey, so how was I getting into so much trouble?
Honestly, no idea.
One I distinctly remember was being grounded for not drinking orange juice that was in the refrigerator. Only problem was my dad must have forgot (he denied this at the time) that he told me NOT to drink the orange juice because it was his and only his. I was grounded for probably 2-3 months. That was the normal for him.
4. Stay Healthy
In a slightly sad point, health wasn’t exactly a top priority. Or… Let me just explain.
Medical problems plague my family. There’s a lot that are treatable and preventable, and others that just happen due to genetics. Kidney stones, for example, kind of just happen at times. My mother had them almost continuously when I was young. I remember spending so many nights in the ER as my mom was writhing in pain.
But when it came to personal accountability, that wasn’t really a thing. I mean, my mom tried, but eating healthy didn’t really exist. Instead of offering cut up fruit for a snack, we had a “snack drawer” full of fruit snacks, gushers, granola bars, and other easy access things. I always had chips or pretzels with my lunch, and for some reason my mom thought Nutella sandwiches was a good idea for a growing child. NUTELLA!
Both of my parents are classified as obese. My mom is 4’11” so anything over 110 is reaching a bad BMI. Pretty sure she weighs more than me and I’ve been trying to go down from 140 for months. My dad has always been obese. I have no memories of him NOT being obese, despite him being incredibly stick thin in his wedding photo. Both of my parents were very thin, actually. I’m trying to break away from the “getting fat as you age” trend by keeping healthy.
5. Sometimes Leaving is the Best Option
I think a lot of trauma would have been saved if my parents had split up. My dad’s terrible anger management was at an all time high, and I have quite a few memories of not eating dinner because my dad was pissed off at everything and I was afraid to go down stairs.
I’m 28 now. I went to college a few states away and I stayed here after graduation. It’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I live on my own, with no one except the occasional voice in the back of my head telling me I’m not as good as I want to be. I have my own bills, my own life, my own responsibilities. I don’t have to worry about either or my parents controlling my life anymore. It’s an odd feeling, and I’m still working out a few kinks, but I love it.
Do you have any tips or life lessons you’ve learned from your parents? Let me know below!
If you like this post or know someone who might like this post, please give it a share! Shares, comments, and likes are what keep this blog running! Thank you! <3
Want to help improve the blog? Let me know your thoughts in the LMSS Subscriber Poll!