How to Stop Focusing on Wanting a Relationship

How to Stop Focusing on Wanting a Relationship

Wanting a relationship isn't a bad thing. Wanting to be loved and wanting to love someone else is a great thing. The problem comes when that's all you start focusing on. In this post I'm going to help you find ways to stop focusing on wanting a relationship.

 

With some of my recent posts being about relationships or lack thereof, I figured I would continue with this theme. This is also something I tend to struggle with in phases. I’m in the “currently struggling with” phase of things. So I figured what’s a better way to help myself than to share my experiences and advice I’m trying to take for myself?

Updated: 12/18/2019


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I spent most of my teen years yearning for love, but found myself in an toxic relationship. I spent most of college single, and mostly okay with that, and the one relationship I did have, I was able to end when I noticed it wasn’t working out. 

Since then I’ve spend the past 9 years officially single, with a sort of non-relationship in the recent past. So I’m dealing with the loss of something that wasn’t a full relationship, but I’m also having problems dealing with How to Learn to Be Okay with Being Single again.

 

Remove Any Dating Apps

The best thing I’ve done so far, is to ignore or delete any dating apps I have on my phone. I used to constantly swipe through people during my free time. The problem with this is I was (and still kind of am) hung up on my non-relationship. So no matter how attractive or interesting the person seemed, I would almost always swipe left. 

I’ve also discovered how picky I’m being with people. Granted, some of the things I don’t want to budge on include the frequency of alcohol consumption and smoking, which can trigger either my alcoholism or my asthma, so I feel those are justified.

However, having the apps on my phone was kind of detrimental to my health. I’m not exactly ready to start meeting new people, and potentially swiping right and getting other people’s hopes up isn’t exactly nice. 

I do keep the OK Cupid app around simply to read the hilarious messages I get. Though I have notifications turned off so I’m effectively ignoring it.

Related: How to Know When to “Let Go”

 

Focus on Yourself

When I’m focused on wanting to be in a relationship, or to find someone to love, I tend to put myself on the back burner. Hopefully you don’t do this, but unfortunately this is something I do. 

I’m more of a “giver” in some ways, so I tend to focus on my potential partner’s well being more than my own. I would give the world to someone I love, even if it meant putting myself in not so great situations. It’s a flaw I’ve come to understand more about myself as time goes on.

So I’m putting my foot down and focusing on myself. My recent change in shower time has made it so I have more time in the morning. That means I can plan my outfit for the day and, do my hair and put on makeup if I want. 

I’m taking steps to maintain a healthier diet. Especially since I just got over one hell of a stomach flu, it’s like my body had a reset. My palette is “fresh” in a way. I’m also focusing on keeping CBD in my life. It’s done wonders for my anxiety along side my medication.

Related: My Experience With CBD Oil: Is it Worth It?

 

Focus on Your Career

I was never one of those people who knew exactly what they wanted to be when they grew up, and I still don’t know what I want to do. However, I have a job that I don’t mind, working with people I life, and only a few downsides I’d rather not air out. So what am I doing? I’m focusing on the social media aspect of my job far more than before. 

I started taking the Yoast SEO for Beginners Course, and I’m taking in or writing down every other free or frugal SEO or social media related course, class, or presentation I can find. I’m determined to become certified in SEO, Google Analytics, and a few other practices I can add to my resume. 

While I don’t want to change jobs any time soon, having these certifications can boost my qualifications for salary negotiations both at my current job and any potential new positions

Related: 5 Stages of Underemployment

 

Focus on Your Hobbies

Remember those things you would do during your free time that didn’t include swiping through dating apps? Yeah, you should get back into those. 

For me, this means blogging. 

I had been doing good for a while. I had loads of posts ready to go, but my recent stomach flu situation had me down and out for a good 5-6 days, meaning I let my posts lapse in favor of making sure I wasn’t throwing up all over the place.

So I’m getting back into the groove of things.

Related: How Recreating Myself in the Sims Made Me Realize I’m Boring

 

Focus on Friends

Take this time to focus on your friendships, including those you may have let slip through the cracks. 

Have a movie night with your bestie, reconnect with someone you haven’t spoken to in a while. Plan a coffee date with a new friend you’ve been wanting to get to know better. 

This is something I sort of promised myself I would do. Each month I would try to reconnect with at least 1 person I haven’t spoken to in a while. So far I’ve gotten in contact with one person I used to hang out with a lot in college. I plan to try and find a time to hang out in the near future.

Related: Crushes, Rejection and Heartbreak: Dealing and Moving On

 

Wanting a relationship isn't a bad thing. Wanting to be loved and wanting to love someone else is a great thing. The problem comes when that's all you start focusing on. In this post I'm going to help you find ways to stop focusing on wanting a relationship.

 

TL;DR

  • Remove any dating apps from your phone. They’ll only entice you back if you keep them there. And right now you don’t need them.
  • Focus on yourself. Have you been neglecting a certain part of your life recently? Is there something you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t had the time? Do it. ALL of it.
  • Focus on your career. Your job pays the bills, so why not put a little extra into your work. Who knows, maybe you’ll get recognition or even a raise!
  • Focus on your hobbies. Remember those things you used to do when you had free time? Try them out again or learn something new.
  • Focus on your friends. Give a friend you haven’t spoken to in while a call. Give your mom a call. Give your best friend a call and schedule a coffee date. They miss you and you miss them. (and you know I’m right)

 

Do you have any other advice on how to stop focusing on wanting a relationship? Let me know in the comments below!

 

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This Post Has 6 Comments

  1. Leah

    This is such an awesome post. After a string of horrible experiences, I did all these things – I took time to enjoy my own company, spent time with my friends, removed all dating apps, and developed a bunch of hobbies. I’m a lot happier and I’m enjoying my single life. 💕

    1. I’m trying to enjoy single life, but it’s been a decade now and I want to add housewife and homemaker to my name which is kind of hard to do while single. Lol. Im also surrounded by people getting married left and right. That’s definitely deflating.

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