Are You Sabotaging Your Own Relationships?

Are You Sabotaging Your Own Relationships?

Relationships are a complicated thing. Especially if you've been single for a while and you're pining for one. They require so much effort to make sure there's a balance between you and your partner.  What if I told you that the reason you're having all this bad luck in the relationship department isn't because you didn't forward that chain email back in the late 90s, but yourself? #relationships #love #single #happiness
Relationships are a complicated thing. Especially if you’ve been single for a while and you’re pining for one. They require so much effort to make sure there’s a balance between you and your partner.
But what happens when you’ve been single for too long? Or you keep dating the wrong kind of people that disappoint you? Maybe you keep finding yourself swiping left instead of right.
What if I told you that the reason you’re having all this bad luck in the relationship department isn’t because you didn’t forward that chain email back in the late 90s, but yourself?


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Are You Unknowingly Sabotaging Your Own Relationships?

Sometimes we unintentionally sabotage ourselves. I know I’m pretty damn good at it. A lot of this stems from believing you’re not worthy of happiness, but there can be other reasons as well. When we’re sabotaging ourselves we’re doing things that can hurt our relationships, mental health, stress levels, etc. A lot of the time we don’t even realize it until it’s pointed out to us. I’ve definitely been there.

You’re Still Hung Up on Someone

This is the biggest reason you might be sabotaging yourself. I know this is what’s going on with myself right now. Maybe it’s a prior relationship you just can’t let go of, that guy you have a crush on that you don’t want to move on from, or even that person you feel you can have a relationship with but the timing isn’t right. Whatever it is, you’re not quite okay with being single yet.
Whatever the reason, you’re knowingly or not, not letting yourself move on. Do you find yourself swiping right on people who all look eerily similar? Do they resemble that person you’re still hung up on?
I may have just blown your mind.
This is what I noticed after a few right swipes kept reminding me of the same guy I was hung up on.
If you want to start up a new relationship, you have to make sure you’re completely over the last one. You may think you’re over it, but your subconscious can give you clues that you aren’t.

  • You keep thinking “What if…”
  • You can feel something holding you back, but you don’t know what it is
  • You find the people you swipe right on all have similar attributes to a previous partner
  • You keep swiping left on… everyone

You’re Not in a Good Relationship With Yourself

This is HUGE. I mean it! If you’re not in a good place with yourself you won’t be able to have a good relationship with someone else.
One big thing people who are missing something in their relationship with themselves tend to do is try to fix up other people. Think about it this way, you’re missing something and either you don’t know or don’t want to fix what is wrong so you try to fix other people to fill in that gap. It can help, temporarily, but it won’t be a permanent fix. Fixing them won’t fix you.
A lot of the time you can tell you aren’t ready. There’s usually something within yourself you aren’t happy with. This could be something physical like the way your body looks, or mental like a habit you have you want to change.
Whatever it is, you need to heal yourself before you start something new. If there’s something that’s bothering you lately, try to fix that first before you jump into a new relationship. You won’t be a good partner if you’re trying to use them to fix yourself.

You’re Too Focused on a Relationship

This might seem counterproductive, but if you’re so focused on finding a relationship, that could be your downfall in the first place.
Think about the reason you want a relationship so bad. Is it because you’re the only single person in your friend group? Have people around you been getting married or having kids lately? Have you been single for too long?
Some of these reasons can be why you want a relationship. But do you just want the relationship or do you want to actually find a partner?
This is a huge problem. There was a point in my life where I was single and was so desperate on a relationship I was willing to take the first person who showed me attention.
I was in love with the idea of being in love and in a relationship, not the relationship itself.
I know that now and it’s easier for me to recognize when I’m having these thoughts again.
Do you want to be in a relationship because you want to find a partner to potentially spend the rest of your life with, or is this just life’s biggest version of FOMO hitting you hard?

You Don’t Think Your Worthy

This one hits home a little too hard. Sometimes if you believe you shouldn’t be or aren’t allowed to be happy, you can be subconsciously doing things to ruin the relationship you’re in or prevent you from starting a new one.
Changing this is going to take time and a lot of self reflection and acceptance. You don’t normally have these thoughts overnight, they’re from years and years of issues.
I’m definitely one of those people who is afraid of being happy. Being genuinely happy is rare for me, I’m mostly content or neutral bordering on depressed. But that’s partially due to my mental health issues.
But being happy scares the crap out of me. Having things go right frightens me. Most of my life was spent going from one problem to the next, so not having a problem in my life makes me feel… uncomfortable.
So if you’ve convinced yourself you aren’t worthy of happiness, you’re never going to achieve it.

Relationships are a complicated thing. Especially if you've been single for a while and you're pining for one. They require so much effort to make sure there's a balance between you and your partner.  What if I told you that the reason you're having all this bad luck in the relationship department isn't because you didn't forward that chain email back in the late 90s, but yourself? #relationships #love #single #happiness

TL;DR

  • Are you still hung up on someone? It could be a past relationship or you keep thinking about that cute cashier at the coffee shop. Whatever it is, your mind is still “in a relationship”.
  • You’re not in the right head space with yourself. If there’s something about yourself that’s been bothering you, fix that first. You can’t throw a relationship at it and expect it to fix things.
  • You’re in love with the idea of being in love, not the relationship. Relationship FOMO is real and can hit you hard.
  • You secretly don’t want to be happy. Whether the be because it’s been ingrained into you or something else, you’re scared or don’t want to be happy

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This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Jessica

    Only thing I want in my relationship is communication that’s all I have ever wanted I don’t think I have sabotaged my relationship, now on the other half someone might be trying to sabotage it for me sometime that’s what it seems like but if my other half would just communicate and tell the truth I truly think we might be ok.

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