Breakups are hard. There’s no doubt about it. Whether that be for a relationship, friendship or family member, having to break yourself away from anyone is a huge feat, especially if you’ve had a relationship with this person or persons for multiple years.
Most people think breakups are just for romantic relationships, but they’re really not. Sometimes people in our lives aren’t exactly healthy for our own sanity and emotional well being. And breaking away from these people can be one of the hardest things a person has to do.
So how do you deal with breaking up with someone? I’m going to give you my advice for when I’ve had situations like this before.
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Ultimate Guide to Deal with Any Breakup
So you’re ready to cut yourself out from someone in your life. You’re probably fed up, tired, and just completely done with this relationship. Whether it be with your current romantic partner, a family member, or even a friend.
No matter how long the relationship is, sometimes things jut don’t work out. And that’s entirely okay! Not every relationship is meant to last a life time. Sometimes relationships are meant to only be part of your life, and when you move on, you leave those relationships behind.
This is Not Your Fault
If you’re thinking of breaking up with anyone, know that this is not your fault. No one is entitled to a relationship with you, and if you feel you don’t want to be around someone anymore, that’s your prerogative.
If your relationship is with someone who is on the more toxic topic, they may try to make it your fault or start guilt tripping you because you want to move on.
Remember that this is not your fault. Sometimes relationships just decay and that’s OKAY. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. This is for romantic relationships, friendships, or even family members.
Family is probably the hardest to breakup with because a lot of people think that blood relationship trump anything else and you have to put up with people who are not good for you just because you’re related.
My current strained relationship is just that. I had to set boundaries with a family member recently and it’s been a disaster from the start. But I know that none of this is my fault. I’m trying to set healthy boundaries and they keep repeatedly crossing them. That’s not my fault.
Choose If You Want to Explain
One of the bigger decisions with breaking up with people, particularly romantic relationships, is letting the other person know why you are breaking up with them.
Personally, for a romantic relationship, I would prefer to let the other person know. I would hope you feel comfortable enough to let them know, but if you are not, that’s okay too. If you’ve spent all this time together with the potential to become a family (if that’s your goal) I personally feel you should let the other person know why you feel this relationship isn’t working any more.
But if this is a friend or family member, it can be a bit more complicated. Sometimes you feel so drained and emotionally exhausted from being in a relationship with someone that you just can’t spend the energy to explain to them why the relationship is over.
Most likely you’ve already tried to repair the relationship before you’ve decided to break up with this person, so if they’re left clueless on their end, that’s on them.
If you don’t feel comfortable letting them know in person or on the phone, a letter is a great way to get out everything you want to tell them. This is what I did.
Set Boundaries and Stick To Them
The BIGGEST thing you need to do when breaking up with someone is to set your boundaries with how you want things to go, and STICK TO THEM.
If you don’t want to talk to this person anymore, or for a time period, don’t let them guilt you into communication before you’re ready.
If you want to completely cut off any contact with them, their friends, or family, don’t let anyone else try to weasel their way into your life.
If you want any items back from this person that they have from the duration of your relationship, find a way to get those things back.
Whatever it is that you want, make sure you set those boundaries and keep them. If you have to need the help of other friends and family to make sure you don’t cave or have those boundaries crossed, so be it.
Cut Contact if You Want to Heal
My personal opinion in breaking up with a romantic partner that you want to fully move on from is that you need to cut contact with them. You will never heal if their Facebook statuses keep showing up on your timeline or you see their Instagram posts on your feed.
You are breaking up with this person for a reason and don’t let the guilt of doing so stop you from actually going through with it.
Having a shadow of this person in your life will wear you down and won’t let you fully move on.
So delete that ex’s number from your phone, unfriend or even block those people you don’t want in your life any more, and again, if you have to, have friends or family help you keep this person away from you.
Focus On Your Healing and Moving On
This is a big thing. If you spend all your time after the breakup thinking about that person, you’re never going to move on. That’s why I recommend cutting contact with this person.
You are going to be raw, vulnerable, and need time after any kind of breakup, regardless of who it is with. This is an important time to focus on yourself.
Indulge in some self care, do something you haven’t done in a while, or something you wanted to do but that person might have been holding you back, whatever it is just do something for yourself.
Remember, you’re healing. This is a time where you need to focus on how you want to move on. Don’t let the comfort of familiarity drag you back into something that isn’t healthy for your.
Give it Time
This is the hardest thing for me. I’m the type of person who, if something goes wrong or needs to be fixed, I want to fix is right then and there when it happens. If I have an argument with someone, I want to fix it when that argument happens. It drives me crazy that most things require time.
You’re going to be raw, vulnerable, and potentially emotional for a while. You can’t change that. You’re going to have to suck it up and go through the pain you may be feeling. Sorry about that.
What you shouldn’t do is track the time. Don’t track how long it’s been since X has talked to you, or when the breakup was, or anything else.
What you should do is start tracking a new habit, preferably a healthy one! Start going to the gym again, start eating better than you did when you were with your ex, or even pick up a new hobby. Track that.
The more you focus on something else, the quicker time will go by. You know the saying, Time flies when you’re having fun!
- Remember that it isn’t your fault if a relationship has come to and end. Don’t let anyone guilt you into thinking that.
- Choose whether or not you are going to explain why you are ending the relationship. I’d prefer you do tell them. No one likes to be ghosted.
- Set boundaries and stick to them. Don’t let anyone cross those boundaries or let you break them.
- Cut contact if you want to heal. You’ll never move on if you keep talking to them or seeing their posts on your social media.
- Focus on healing and moving on. You’re going to be incredibly vulnerable after a breakup. Focus on yourself.
- Give it time. Unfortunately we can’t time travel to a point where everything is going to be okay, so you’re going to have to wait it out.
Have you ever had to be the one to breakup a relationship? Did you do any of the things I’ve mentioned? Let me know in the comments!