Please Don’t Ghost Me if We’ve Ever Been in Love
Update: this situation has concluded itself but I wanted to still share this post. I still feel this way despite everything having been resolved.
This recently happened to me. Someone I loved and thought cared about me back just… went silent. No word from them for weeks, even after I sent them some flowers for their birthday. Nothing. I was was ghosted.
I don’t know what’s going on in their head. I’ll probably never know if this ghosting keeps up. But if we’ve known each other for years and didn’t have any kind of argument, can you at least give me the courtesy of telling me why?
I know this counters a lot of posts about relationships and includes things I’ve said in my own posts. If someone isn’t good for you, you should drop them from your life. They don’t need an explanation.
But my god, it hurts so much.
It hurts knowing someone I thought I could spend my life with just decided to stop talking to me. That I’ve clearly done something wrong that I don’t want to do again, but I’ll never know what.
It hurts that we spent all this time getting to know each other for it to end in silence.
This is why I tend advocate that you find some way to explain to the other person why you can’t continue a relationship with them. Whether that be in person, via a phone call, or even a text. They can be bad for your health, but you can respect the former relationship enough to be courteous.
For someone on the outside you have no idea what you did wrong. Especially if there wasn’t anything going on that could warrant such an abrupt cut off.
I thought I had finally found love. I thought they were someone I could see myself with in my near and distant future. I wanted nothing more than to be by their side through thick and thin. I wanted to start a family with them.
But now they’ll never really know that. They’ll never know how many sleepless nights I had worried about their physical and mental health. They’ll never know just how strong my feelings for them still are, even after all of this bullshit. How I would still take them back if they asked because I understand.
I thought if you respected someone else you could at least tell them something… Anything!
But then I have to sit back and think if I were in their shoes and someone was too overwhelming for myself, I would probably do the same. I’d like to think I would be able to say something like “hey, things are overwhelming for me right now and I need time alone” but I’ll never know until that time comes.
I know I can be an intense person at times. My anxiety makes that something I wish wasn’t the case. When my mind focuses in on something and won’t let go, it can lead to panic attacks and even a mental breakdown.
I recently had one during the silent treatment I received because I was scared they had contracted COVID-19. They had been sick for almost 2 weeks at this point and I hadn’t heard anything from them. I resorted to asking a family member if they were at least okay. I didn’t want to, but I was having a full-on mental breakdown because I was so worried about them. Thankfully they were just sick.
I guess this is one of those life lessons you have to learn the hard way.
There’s nothing quite like being ghosted by someone, but it hurts just so much more when it’s by someone you loved and saw a future with.
But I need to move on. I thought I had let go, but it’s clear I really hadn’t. I still held onto some kind of hope that things would go back to the way they were. Obviously, that’s not going to happen now. I can at least hope the distant future might be different.
I need to move on with my life. I can’t keep crying over someone who clearly didn’t respect me enough to even tell me what was going on. As I sat on my bed crying for the second night in a row because we had just started talking again and then they got sick and went silent.
I want nothing more than to make things right, to go back in time and tell myself everything is going to be okay so not to panic text. Not to panic message. And most certainly not have a mental breakdown.
It’s clear to me that none of that is going to happen. I have to completely remove them from my life because they’ve already started removing me from theirs.
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