Depression is something a lot of us go through. It’s also something that’s played up a bit in media. The stereotypes are something that makes me feel bad because I’m not having the same time I’m being told I should.
Depression is a lot of things, but it’s not just feeling sad for a little bit. It’s not just being down for a day or two. Depression has many other symptoms that a lot of people tend to gloss over.
What does depression really look like?
This is What Depression Looks Like
Depression looks like this:
Sleep All Day
And all night. There’s no desire to do anything and the quickest way to get through the day is to sleep. At least that’s how I feel. I’ve been in the midst of a depression cycle right now and all I do is sleep.
I wake up, check some YouTube videos that come in early in the morning due to time differences, then go right back to sleep. Part of this is due to depression, the other half is due to it being so hot right now that I wake up multiple times a night covered in sweat. This is what depression looks like.
Stay in the Same Clothes
I’ve been in my pajamas for months now. Part of that is due to working from home, but it’s gotten worse since I was let go. There’s no reason to change my clothes, to put on a fresh pair of shorts, or change my shirt as often as I should. I’m not going anywhere, I’m just staying inside in my room, and as we established before, all I’m doing is sleeping anyway.
I’ve been basically wearing my pajamas for the past 3 months straight. Every once in a while I’ll have to get dressed in basketball shorts and baggy shirt to go out or needed errands. There were days where I just wore the same thing for almost a week because my depression made it not worth while to change my clothes or take a shower.
So what’s the point?
Not Making my Bed
Because I’m constantly going to and from my actual bed, there’s no reason for my to make my bed in the morning. And because of that, my room is always 70% messy. The mess makes it harder to navigate, to think, and to relax. For me, a messy space makes it harder for me to function.
But because I have no reason to really “function” well, I’m just letting everything go.
Not Taking Care of Hygiene
This is the biggest problem I have. I find it hard to remember to brush my teeth when I don’t have places to go. So because I don’t have work any more, I’ve been failing at that. That’s no good because I’m more susceptible to cavities, and the last thing I need right now is to pay for dental work.
I’m also having problems taking a shower. I have no desire or motivation and taking a shower is such a huge task. Dragging myself into the shower is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do lately. This is what depression looks like.
Mess Piles Up
This can be anything from the garbage can overflowing to leaving clothes on the floor to not organizing my snack bag that I keep in my room. It’s a lot easier to just let whatever it is stay where you dropped it and not worry about it. You never know how much clutter and mess you can handle until you get to a point when you’re depressed and then you start getting annoyed at everything.
There’s still a lot of things in my room that I don’t know what to do with. Most of that is in a box from when I packed up my desk from my former job.
Lack of Motivation
If I thought I didn’t have motivation before, I definitely have no motivation now. Occasionally I’ll have spurts of slight energy where I can write blog posts or get something productive done, but more often than not I spend my day in bed watching YouTube videos.
It doesn’t help that I’m having writer’s block. I know there’s a lot going on in the world right now, but I don’t want to talk about that on my blog. I don’t want to bring politics and current events into this. I made the exception for coronavirus because it was a global phenomenon.
Anxiety on the Loose
My anxiety also comes out when my depression rears its head. And since I’m in a situational depression moment right now, my anxiety started to and has been creeping more into my life. I’m getting nervous about things easier, I’m more jumpy, my doubts are filling my head, I’m scared of not finding a job, I have savings but I’m still worrying about money.
It’s caused some problems with friendships because I get into my head that because they didn’t respond or were late that it was a purpose slight against me. I know that it’s not, but I can’t help the ball of anxiety that starts in my stomach from forming and creating a domino effect where I just spin out of control.
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