Being in a relationship is something most people tend to want at some point in their life. In fact, there are a lot of people who’s main goal in life is to become a mother or father, and that usually requires a relationship to happen.
However, there are going to be times in your life when you really, really want to be in a relationship but it just isn’t happening. There are many reasons why you’re not in a relationship right now, but these are the few that I’ve come across personally.
Why You’re Not in a Relationship Right Now
Some times why you’re not in a relationship isn’t your own fault, but a lot of the times it’s due to things going on in your life that you’re either not addressing or don’t even realize are going on.
This isn’t to blame you for all your problems, though personal accountability is something I’m big on, but to get you to open your eyes to some of the more subtle reasons you’re not in a relationship right now.
You’re Still Hung Up On Someone
This is the biggest and probably more prevalent reason in my own life as to why I’m not in a relationship right now.
I’m still hung up/crushing/in love with someone else. This is a problem.
I can’t start a new relationship until I’ve completely moved on from the last one, regardless of how “official” it was or not. However, I’m still hoping that there’s a chance for this former non-relationship to come to fruition at some point in the future.
I either have to wait and see if this is going to happen, or force myself to move on.
This could very well be you. I mentioned this in my Are You Sabotaging Your Own Relationships? There are a few ways you can tell if you’re still hung up on someone:
- You keep thinking “What if…”
- You can feel something holding you back, but you don’t know what it is
- You find the people you swipe right on all have similar attributes to a previous partner
- You keep swiping left on… everyone
The most important one for me was swiping right on people who looked physically similar to the guy I’m hung up on. It got weird after a while and I just stopped using dating apps at all. It honestly made me uncomfortable.
I was trying to replace the person I wanted with a clone of themselves in someone else, but that was never going to work out.
So, if any of these things speak to you, that might be the reason why you’re not in a relationship right now.
You’re Meant to Be Single
You might not be in a relationship because you might be meant to be single right now.
Being single is a time for self discovery, for doing what you want, and for growing as a person. I dig into this more in my post Being Single Should Be The Best Times In Your Life. Here’s Why.
The biggest thing to take away is that right now, you’re meant to be single. Take your time to grow as a person, explore things you normally wouldn’t or couldn’t do if you were in a relationship. Travel is a big part of what single people do because it becomes a lot harder to juggle two schedules and finances instead of one.
I haven’t done much traveling, but I did spend a good portion of my life single after leaving a relationship while I was in college. And I knew that I was meant to be single.
I needed that time to be by myself and I wasn’t sad that I wasn’t in a relationship, though I did have a few crushes along the way.
You might not be in a relationship because this is the time for you. Treasure this time by yourself, spend this time with friends and family more, and try not to be upset that you’re not partnered up. Sometimes it’s not meant to be.
You’re Not Trying
If you’re not doing anything where you could meet other people, you can’t really complain about being single, can you?
Do you expect your prince or princess charming to fall out of the sky and magically fall in love with you? That’s never going to happen.
If you want to be in a relationship you’re going to have to put some effort into finding someone to have that relationship with.
This could as simple as dating apps, or going out with new friend groups, finding new hobby groups to hang out with, visiting local hot spots where people of your age hang out, etc.
I’m terrible at the physical IRL version of finding a partner, so I tend to be more inclined to dating apps. In fact, the last sort of relationship I was in I wasn’t even looking for when it fell into my lap and it wasn’t even through a dating app. It’s part of why I feel so strongly about this person, I think something was meant to happen.
So, add some dating apps to your phone, get your friends to rate your profile and try to get the best angle for a profile picture.
There are paid version where you will most likely have a better dating pool, but I’ve never had the funds to try this out. A former co-worker did us eharmony and found her husband through there so she’s very vocal about paid apps like that.
It’s Not Your Time
To go along with the idea that you’re meant to be single, there’s the idea that it’s just not your time to be in a relationship.
Right now might be your time to do something wonderful outside of a relationship that could become more complicated or even unable to do while partnered up.
I view this as the “universe has better things for me right now” thought process.
I’m not religious enough to think that this is God’s plan for me right now, but I am at least spiritual enough to think that sometimes the universe has something better for us going on that prevents us from having that relationship we may so desperately want.
I’m currently in this stage right now. Especially since the other person in this conflict isn’t ready for something right now. He’s on his own journey that requires his full attention elsewhere. There’s no point in half-assing a relationship.
- You’re still in love with someone else. You may not think it overtly, but it’s there. Give it a good think and you might just surprise yourself.
- You’re meant to be single. It’s your time to go out and explore the world as an independent person.
- You’re not trying hard enough to actually find someone. The love of your life isn’t going to walk through your door unprompted.
- It’s not your time. You’re meant for better things right now and that relationship shouldn’t be the focal point of your life.
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