2020 was a hell of a year for most people, and it wasn’t exactly great for me either. I posted an update back when everything initially happened.
However, I can’t just blame 2020 for all of my problems. I have to take some of the blame because I let myself get to the point where I am now. I’m trying to claw my way back to normality through a healthy diet, exercise, and being proactive.
Want to know how I ruined my life in 5 east steps? You’ll have to keep reading to find out.
How I Ruined My Life in 2020 in 5 Easy Steps
A catalyst set off a motion in my life in 2020, and it wasn’t a pretty one. I managed to set myself back in various parts of my life in only a few months time.
I was able to push myself down a rabbit hole that’s taken months to start crawling out of. I managed to gain 35lbs in a few months, a wreck my mental health to a point where I’m still trying to get myself together now.
I Lost My Job
Ah, the catalyst. The reason for all the failure in my life for 2020.
I lost my job about mid-April of last year. When COVID hit and everyone was closing down their offices, the small business I worked for wasn’t able to keep everyone on board. Anyone deemed non-essential was let go.
That’s when I learned I wasn’t considered essential.
Losing my job after being their for 6 years was and still is hard to deal with. I’ve had to call them up for insurance reasons and I’ve literally burst into tears, sobbing after talking to some of my old co-workers. That job was like a family for me. It was an incredibly dysfunctional family, but it was still a family.
I spent 8 hours a day with the same people, 5 days a week. For 6 years.
And all of that was ripped from me in an instant.
So, needless to say, I had my life turned upside down at one of the worst times of my life. I know I’m not the only one who went through being let go due to COVID, and knowing that makes me feel a little bit better, but it also was hard to continue life when I had nothing to do with my life. I didn’t exactly ruin my life myself, but it felt like it at the time.
I Discovered a New Snack
While unemployed, I discovered the wonders of White Cheddar Cheetos.
They became my kryptonite.
I was going through multiple bags per week, and those calories add up. Depression eating really didn’t help at all, and it made things worse for me.
What I wasn’t realizing at the time, because I was eating mostly Cheetos instead of meals, but I was gaining weight and rapidly at that. I gained about 35lbs in only a few months.
And I never noticed that.
That is, until I had to stop wearing the same clothes and realized none of my shirts and pants fit anymore. I literally had to go out and buy new clothes for the time being because I didn’t fit in most of my clothes I would actually go out in.
The first time I saw myself in a full length mirror after gaining all that weight was my birthday in 2020. I was in a casino with a friend and I walked passed a mirror on a column and just was in awe.
How had I gotten so big? I used to be so much smaller. I’m huge!
That was my first wake up call. But it didn’t put things into motion yet. I wasn’t ready to get myself out of the hole just yet. I ruined my life by binge eating all the Cheetos I could get hold of and not paying attention to the 35-40lbs I gained at that time.
I Slept All Day (and Night)
Because of the depression ravaging through my life, I wasn’t doing much of anything. In fact, all I was doing was sleeping.
While I can’t really help the depression, I didn’t want to get on more medication for a temporary situation, I also didn’t do anything to stop myself from giving in.
I gave into the depression. I slept all day and all night and any time I got the chance to.
I had nothing else to do, so why not, right?
My depression had gotten me to a point where I felt I couldn’t do anything. I was just about able to apply to a few jobs per day, but it was from my phone, in bed, with the easy apply option only. I ruined my life by giving in to the depression.
I didn’t really see people besides my roommates, I didn’t go out, I didn’t go for walks, I didn’t talk to people outside a friend through messenger, and didn’t do anything besides sleep.
I Didn’t Move at All
To add to everything else, I barely moved. I mean, all I was doing was sleeping anyway, so there wasn’t any time for moving. My fitbit would record a few hundred steps a day if that. I literally spent all day in bed.
This didn’t help with my weight gain or depression.
Moving around could have attempted to counteract the weight gain I had, or at least slowed it down sooner. Exercise, or at least walks are great for clearing the mind and for helping combat depression. Just a few walks a week could have been so incredibly beneficial to me, but I wasn’t moving from my bed.
I started to notice that along with my clothes not fitting anymore, I also was struggling to do certain things. I used to be relatively flexible in certain areas, but now found myself struggling to tie my shoes while sitting on the floor. I still have this problem because my stomach gets in the way, but I’m actually walking now so I’m working towards stretching more.
I Had No Will Power
Some people might not agree with this being something I could have changed, but I had literally no will power.
I mentioned in another post how binge eating took over my life and caused a lot of problems. That definitely escalated while unemployed, depressed, and lonely.
I had no will power to make myself move.
I had no will power to eat healthy or stop eating junk all the time.
I had no will power to do anything besides sleep.
And I feel I need to hold myself accountable for that.
No one else is responsible for my life except myself, so I can’t put the blame on anyone or anything else. Even though I was and still am depressed, I can’t keep blaming that for everything. It may be the truth, but sometimes you have to push yourself, and I don’t have that drive to push and motivate myself to be a better person.
This is why some people may not agree with me being responsible for what happens when I was in severe depression. It’s hard enough on a regular day to get yourself motivated, never mind when your brain is actively working against you.
But, I feel I need to be the one to get myself better, so I’m working on that now. I’m eating healthier, I’m walking more, I’m even writing blog posts again!
So, I managed to ruin my life in 2020 in 5 easy steps, but I’m working on changing things around so that ruin is moot. I’m working to be better mentally, physically, and overall happier in my life. Maybe I’ll even write a How I Changed My Life in 5 Easy Steps, who knows!?
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