Letting go of someone you love is the hardest thing you’ll do.
You might be asking yourself,
but if I love this person, why am I letting them go?
There are a lot of reasons you have to let go of someone you love. They could be toxic for you, the timing could be wrong, or the relationship you want just won’t work out between you two, to name a few.
When you love someone you want to hold onto them tightly and never let go. By default you don’t want to let them go.
But when the time comes to have to let go of someone you love, it’s going to feel like you’re ripping your heart out of your chest and stabbing it for no reason.
I mean, you know the reason. Deep down you know whatever the reason it is that this has to happen. You might deny it or try to pretend it doesn’t exist because you want to keep holding on to that person. But believe me, all it’s doing is prolonging the inevitable.
You’re going to have to let them go, even if it’s just for a short amount of time, but you have to let them go.
Letting Go of Someone You Love is the Hardest Thing You’ll Do
I’m dealing with this right now as I write this post. I can only hope that things have settled down by the time this goes live.
There’s someone I love very much. I fell in love with them and I’m pretty sure this is my first real love. Especially the first one as an adult. They were someone I could see myself spending my life with. I had grand thoughts and ideas of how we could be together for a long time. And now, that’s all gone.
But right now the timing is wrong.
He’s not ready and I spent so much time trying not to lose them that I lost myself.
So I have to let them go, at least for a little while, so we can both get ourselves back on track. I can only hope that maybe in the future we can figure out if a relationship is worth a try, but there’s always a chance that won’t happen and it kills me inside to think about that.
Actually admitting to myself that this had to happen was fairly easy. Actually going through it was another thing.
I went through a mental breakdown, weeks worth of panic attacks nightly, and lots of tears before I woke up at 4am one morning and decided to write them a letter. I didn’t have much of a choice in the matter, my anxiety basically was starting to write it for me in my head as I tried to go to sleep.
I wrote out how I was feeling. How I wanted to be with them, how the timing was wrong, but I couldn’t stand by their side right now. I lost myself in trying to find them. I poured my soul into this letter and sent it to them the next time they contacted me. It’s been a month and I haven’t heard back yet. I don’t know if I ever will.
It took this 4am anxiety attack that lead to me crying while trying to go to sleep to realize how badly all of this was for me. I wasn’t well in the slightest and I had a way to stop all of this.
All it would do was break my heart.
And so I broke my heart.
I have to remove them from social media, because I’ll constantly be checking to make sure they’re okay. It’s literally like dealing with a breakup but we weren’t actually dating.
I don’t know what the future holds. I hope it’s full of fun and laughter instead of panic and anxiety. I hope both of us can find what we’re looking for within ourselves.
Even if this turns out to be the last communication we have, the time we did have together was wonderful. It had its ups and downs, but I’ll choose to remember the good things.
It’s also made me more open to the idea of a long distance relationship. I’ve been struggling to find a partner near me and I was ecstatic to find someone I clicked with so much regardless of where they were located.
Distance is hard. It’s going to put a lot more pressure on a relationship than normal. Not everyone can do it.
So I sit here, typing out my heartbreak to the internet in hopes that it helps someone else. I know this isn’t long, but I needed an outlet to let this go. To let them go, officially.
Best of luck in your journey. I’ll miss you <3
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