What to Do When You’re In Love With Someone Who’s Emotionally Unavailable

What to Do When You’re In Love With Someone Who’s Emotionally Unavailable

What to Do When You're In Love With Someone Who's Emotionally Unavailable (1)
This can be a tricky subject. There are many reasons a person can be emotionally unavailable for a relationship, but most people tend to think about someone who is already in a relationship. They could also be in a transition time of their life where they can’t handle a relationship, they’re just getting over a previous relationship, or they’re just not one for commitment.
Love is finicky and there’s going to be some heartbreak along the way, especially if you decide that what’s best for you is to move on.
Before you decide what you’re going to do with yourself in this situation, you’re going to have to figure out which is the reason this other person is emotionally unavailable, which options you have, and what to do when you’ve decided on what to do.


What to Do When You’re In Love With Someone Who’s Emotionally Unavailable

Like I said, you need to determine which is the reason this person you are in love with is emotionally unavailable and if it’s even okay to pursue them in the future.

They’re Already in a Relationship

For me, this is a big no-go. If I found myself falling for a person who is already in a committed relationship, they are officially off limits, and I hope you would feel the same way too.

No one likes a homewrecker or being the reason for an affair. There’s enough bad things going on in the world that you really don’t have to contribute to it by breaking up a relationship.

It’s up to you if you want to tell this other person your feelings for them, but I would personally keep it to myself and let it go. If you’re friends with this person and you want to keep that friendship, telling them is a great way to ruin that possibility. It changes the relationship you have with them and their partner. It just becomes a bit mess.

They’re already happy with what they have, so why try and break that up? I get that it hurts that they don’t have the same feelings back for you, but you shouldn’t make someone else feel hurt because of what you want.

I would personally try to move on from this person. If at some point in the future they become available and you still have these feelings, then you can go a pursue them if that’s what you want.

They’re Getting Over a Previous Relationship

Let’s say the person you’re fond of has just gotten out of a relationship, or hasn’t had the time they need to fully get themselves over the relationship that just ended.

This is where things become tricky. You can’t make them get over a relationship faster than they’re trying to. I guarantee that they wish they could get over the relationship just as quick as you want.

You can try to help them over things if that’s something they’re okay with you doing, but I would be honest with them from the start. Befriending someone when they’re vulnerable in the hopes that they will date you in the future is a scummy thing to do. So let them know that you have feelings for them but you want to be there for them if they want.

This can take anywhere from months to years depending on how critical this relationship was to their lives. I would also keep an eye out for any self destructive behaviors in this time period. It’s common for people to turn to drinking or other harmful coping mechanisms to deal with the hurt from a relationship ending.

Related: Are You Too Attached to Your Significant Other?

They’re in a Transition Period in their Life

This is personally the hardest one to deal with. It’s very possible that both of you want to be together but they know that they aren’t in the right state of mind or need to get their shit together before entering something as important as a relationship.

It’s going to be hard and it’s going to hurt because there’s less of a “concrete” reason for the relationship to not exist. But trust me, just like with any other situation, trying to rush someone into a relationship will do more harm than good. It will push that person away.

You have to respect that they know themselves better than you know them, even if you feel you know them incredibly well. Forcing someone into something they don’t want will not only be a terrible way to start a relationship but it’s just plain not healthy in any way.

You can always help them with this transition period if they want your help, but if they’re going through some kind of soul searching, or trying to figure themselves out, they’re going to have to do it alone. It’s going to hurt that you want to help but they won’t let you, but you need to respect their wishes.

\You have the same two choices you have with most of these situations, you can choose to wait for this person if you feel they’re worth it, or you could let go and move on.

Related: Crushes, Rejection and Heartbreak: Dealing and Moving On

They Can’t Do Commitment

Run. Just run.

If you know for a fact that this person can’t deal with commitment, then there’s no point in trying. If they have a history of not being able to commit, don’t put yourself through that.

You might think you can change them, but I bet you that every person before you might have thought the same.

It’s up to you whether or not you want to continue to pursue this person, but I would personally not put myself in the position where I know it will most likely lead to heartbreak.

If someone is constantly cheating in their relationships, I feel even if they want to stop, it might not be something they can control. Don’t put yourself through all that hurt.

Related: Are Your Relationships Toxic? An Introduction to Toxic Relationships

What to Do When You're In Love With Someone Who's Emotionally Unavailable

So What Do You Do?

You have two options in most of these situations. You have the choice to either wait for this person or you can let go, no matter how hard that may be, and move on from them.

If You’re Going to Wait…

It’s going to be a long journey. You never know if or when they will be ready, or if they will even be ready for you when they are. That might suck to hear, but it’s the truth.

What someone wants one day may not be the same after a few months or even years later.

When I was in this situation I took the time to work on myself. If they can work on being a better person, so can you. Do things you want to do, go out, have fun! Don’t let your waiting become your life.

You have the choice to wait for them, but you also shouldn’t throw your life away waiting. Remember that.

If You’re Going to Move On…

You’re probably going to want to cut contact with this person. It’s really hard to fall out of love for someone when they really haven’t done anything to you. Hell, sometimes it’s hard to fall out of love with people when they do do something to you.

So cut this guy or gal out for the time being, or all together, it’s up to you. So that means deleting their number (or changing their name to something like “DO NOT TALK TO”), removing their profiles from your social media accounts, and avoid going to places you might see them. You want to make sure you’re over them by the time you let them back into your life, if that’s what you want to do.

Getting over someone is hard to do, so don’t be so hard on yourself if after a few days you’re still not there yet.

Whichever choice you pick, you can get through this. Believe in yourself.

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