Sometimes there’s a person or people who you really just need to cut out of your life. They can be a toxic person to you, constantly bring you down, take more than they give, and/or overstep boundaries you’ve created or tried to create.
It’s okay to cut these people out of your life. In fact, you probably should.
If someone isn’t being a good person to you, or they’re draining you and you can’t take it anymore, it’s much better to cut them off than waiting for things to go back to normal. They won’t, believe me.
I spent years waiting for that normal to come and it never did. It still hasn’t, but I now have control over things better. I’m not being pushed around any more.
It might hurt a little to cut someone out of your life, but it’s going to be the best thing for you.
It’s Okay to Cut People Out of Your Life if They’re Bad for You
This can be a touchy subject because some people don’t understand that “anyone” also includes friends and family instead of just co-workers or acquaintances. Actually, you’re probably more likely to need to cut someone out of your life that’s very close to you than someone you don’t have much of a relationship with.
So, why would someone be cut out of your life? Here are a few reasons:
- crossing or ignoring boundaries
- being mean to you
- being a bully
- constantly dragging you down
- mental, verbal, physical, or sexual abuse
- takes more than they give
These aren’t going to be all the reasons, each relationship is different and you’re going to have your own reasons, these are just the few that come to mind for me. They’re reasons why I’ve had to cut or limit contact with people in my life.
However, there are a few things you need remember when cutting a person out of your life.
This is Not Your Fault
No matter what the other person or other people say, cutting someone out of your life that is toxic to you is NOT your fault.
Let me say it again, louder for those in the back
CUTTING SOMEONE OUT OF YOUR LIFE IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
I’m reminded of a quote I read on a reddit thread about someone feeling guilty about having to cut off a person.
If they get mad at you it’s because you’re no longer letting them abuse you. Think about that. They’re mad because they can’t abuse you the way they’re used to.
You are never at fault for stopping abuse. And yes, a lot of the time crossing boundaries counts as abuse.
They’re Going to Ignore Your Wishes
If you try to cut someone off and they’re unwilling to understand why, you’re most likely going to deal with them continuing to contact you against your wishes.
When I tried to cut contact with a family member it worked for a little while. But as time went on and they realized I wasn’t going to give in and call them back to apologize for all the things they did, they started contacting me.
It’s always disguised as a nice “how are you?” or “how have you been?” but I made the choice to cut contact with them for a reason. I don’t want to talk to them until I’m ready.
And the more they try to talk to me, the less I want to talk to them.
There was even a time right before the new year when they said we should put our differences aside and start fresh for the new year.
I’m sorry, but they don’t get to dictate when I talk to them. Only I do.
And that works for you as well. No one else decides when you are ready to talk to them again, if that’s even an option in the first place.
They Will Guilt Trip
They’re going to try to find ways to contact you that don’t have to do with either of you, say you have a relative that’s sick, a family friend is having a hard time, etc. They’re going to use that situation to try to talk to you before you’re ready.
Do not give in!
This is their way of trying to guilt trip you into talking to them. So not only are they disregarding your wishes, they’re dragging unsuspecting people into it as well.
You need to hold your ground and stay strong. It’s okay if you cry, break down a little, or even need to go to someone else for help. Whatever you do, don’t talk to them until you’re ready.
They Might Try to Retaliate
Unfortunately, not everyone can handle being cut off. Sometimes when people like this are cut off they tend to retaliate in a variety of ways. Depending on the person this could be starting rumors, smack talking, telling your secrets to everyone, or potentially even physical retaliation if they’re angry enough.
Remember, this is not your fault and in no way should you give in to this.
If you don’t feel safe in your current situation, please call your local police line and explain everything to them.
But if they retaliate in more verbal ways, it might do harm to your reputation among old friends and family.
I always worry about this.
When I was younger I remember this family member of mine on the phone talking to my grandmother saying I was so ungrateful for everything they did and that I was such a terrible person. Meanwhile, I was still a child. A CHILD!
I always wonder what they’re saying to other people if they ask about me, but that can’t be a reason to let them back into my life again. They’ve hurt me far too many times for that to happen. And they still don’t seem to understand why I’m doing it.
If you feel the need to ask for help, please visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline or find the equivalent in your country.
If you’re going to cut someone out of your life know that you can do this. You might breakdown while you’re alone, it may hurt like hell, but remember, you’re preventing someone from abusing you. It’s going to be rough and it’s going to be hard. I believe in you. <3
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