This entire virus pandemic has been crazy from the start. My journey with the virus started back in January when I first started hearing about things brewing over in China. My depression wasn’t too bad then, but I’m convinced it saved me from catching it.
However, once things made their way over to the US, my depression started to worsen. I was working remotely for my job for a few weeks, then ultimately was let go due to financial issues because no one’s hiring IT in the middle of the pandemic. I’m not afraid to admit that I cried like a baby when I heard that news. I called up my supervisor and just cried to her. I loved where I worked and was looking forward to going back into the office when everything was done and over with.
So, now I’m dealing with being unemployed during a pandemic. Thankfully, I do have my depression to thank for one thing, it definitely did save my from the virus. However, it didn’t save me from the pandemic.
My Depression Saved Me From the Virus But Not the Pandemic
How does depression go about saving me from an almost super virus that’s highly contagious?
Well, for starters I barely left my house unless it was to get food. I struggled with it at first because even though I’m an introvert, my bedroom is usually my sanctuary, a place I can revert to after work and refresh and recharge. Having to work from home in the middle of my sanctuary really screwed me up. I honestly worked in the office until the stay at home order was a thing in my state. Even then, I wanted to go to the office.
Secondly, any time I did spend not working I was spending sleeping in bed. My depression was hitting me harder, but not quite the worst yet, but I was at the starting point for wanting to spend all of my free time in bed, or sleeping. There was no real motivation.
I also started drinking a lot more green tea. That wasn’t until I was let go from my job, though. I wanted and needed something to comfort me in this desperate time and I turned to green tea. I know it sounds weird, but a warm beverage was just the thing to help me get through the sleepless nights because I slept all day, the days where I couldn’t get out of bed, and the days I didn’t get out of bed.
Say Goodbye to Outside
I mean, I’m normally a hermit anyway, but I was leaving the house less and less. I had no reason to. No one really did. I could do all of my work from home with my work laptop and I could do any of my blogging and gaming from my personal laptop. I didn’t even have to leave my room if I really wanted to.
Not leaving my house meant I wasn’t coming in contact with anyone outside of my roommates. They were also stuck at home and neither of them have cars, so they weren’t really going anywhere either. The most I went to was the grocery store and the pharmacy. Especially the pharmacy because I have a very expensive ($437 a month) medication I wanted to get a new fill of before my insurance ended.
Depression saved me by making it impossible to even go for a walk around the housing complex I live in. I wasn’t coming into contact with people at all. There were even days when I didn’t see my roommates, so I was truly alone and isolated.
While now I will go for the occasional walk, I do need to amp myself up for it before I go. I have to be incredibly determined and in a very distinct mood just to go for a walk around the complex. Now that I don’t have a job, I’m more isolated than ever. I have nothing to do with my time and I’m trying to figure out how to become a full time blogger overnight so I can have, at the very least, something to do with my time.
Depression saved me from the virus, but it didn’t save me from the pandemic.
Sleep My Days Away
This is something my depression is trying to get me to do more of, even now. I will wake up, watch a YouTube video, then go back to sleep for a few hours. I’ve spent days where I spend the entire day in bed, save for the few times I get up to refill my water cup or my green tea, then go straight back to bed at around 9:30 PM when I would normally go to sleep.
Depression saved me because even if I were to become sick, I spend so much time in bed sleeping, that I would think that I’d be able to beat the thing faster because I’m giving myself the time to recover. Now that I don’t have to worry about sick days if I do become sick, I can lay around in bed all day.
My allergies have been acting up since this virus also decided to coincide with spring allergy season, so I’ve been sneezing, coughing, and rubbing my eyes a lot more, but I haven’t caught the bug. I’d like to think it’s my depression’s way of giving back to me from all of the bad things it does.
Related: 8 Things to Do When Depression Hits
Green Tea, My Love
Green tea! Tea has been something I always fall back on in times of need. Green tea has tons of health benefits and considering I haven’t done much walking during my time inside, the fat burning help is very much appreciated.
When I hit times of uncertainty, I tend to turn to tea to warm my soul. It usually starts during a random night when I wake up around 3 AM and can’t go back to sleep. My mind is racing, I’m emotional, and I just want to cry. So, I make a cup of tea.
The warmth helps calm me down and eases my mind a bit. It helps me ground myself, something that many people with depression and anxiety might be familiar with. Grounding is a way to bring yourself back to reality and for me, focusing on sipping hot tea is just what I need.
Didn’t Save Me From the Pandemic
I may have managed to get through most of this pandemic without having gotten sick, but my depression didn’t and couldn’t save me from the effects of the pandemic itself.
It couldn’t save me from this internal want to see friends and go outside and have things go back to normal. Depression (and anxiety) definitely didn’t save me from the shortages at the grocery store. Especially with toilet paper. As someone with a digestive disorder I go through a lot of toilet paper. The anxiety of potentially running out and the stores not having any was enough to make me go to the store more often and to pick up a pack whenever I could.
Depression didn’t save me from losing my job. The financial situation that a lot of smaller businesses have gone through lead to a lot of layoffs and I happened to be one of the millions of people who lost their jobs. That’s what hit me hardest. I was having a hard enough time when I actually had something to do for 8 hours a day, but now I have nothing to do. I have to determine what I do on my own and my self will is pretty low, so I usually end up caving and sleeping for a few more hours.
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