I am a Millennial Spinster and I hate it.
What’s a millennial spinster? Well:
a person reaching young adulthood in the early 21st century
an unmarried woman, typically an older woman beyond the usual age for marriage.
I’m someone entering their 30s with no relationship in sight. And it hasn’t been for lack of trying. I’ve been officially single since 2010 when I broke up with my then boyfriend when I was in college. I’ve been on dating apps and meeting people with no luck at all. I feel I’m destined to die alone.
I am a Millennial Spinster and I Hate It
I’ve swiped left on so many people that I’m starting to feel like something is wrong with me. I’ve gone through so many people on various apps that I tend to run out of options in my area. Sometimes they allow you to widen the search, sometimes then don’t. That makes me feel worse.
I even tried a pseudo relationship at one point. We basically acted like we were dating but there was no official title. Granted, it was long distance and I felt like I put more into it than I got out of it some days, but even that didn’t work.
I feel like there really is something wrong with me because I just don’t find the men (or women) I’m seeing pop up on these apps appealing. I’m not even looking for a prince charming, either! I’m looking for an average dude. I prefer my tall nerdy guys and apparently they just don’t exist any more. Maybe they all found nerdy girlfriends in college and they’re all off the market.
Over the years I’ve been seeing less and less of people who are average or fit and more and more guys who are obese. I’m personally not attracted to overweight guys. Both my parents are obese and I see how terrible their lives are because of it. I want to do everything in my power to prevent myself and any potential partner from going down that route.
I’m no gym bunny myself, and I know I’ve gained weight during this lock down, but I feel like the type of guy I’m looking for just doesn’t exist anymore.
Part of me feels it could also be due to my changing in views on various things. I’ve become more moderate in a lot of my views on many things over the past few years, so seeing someone with completely opposite views of mine on a dating app just isn’t going to appeal to me. And I think I’m smack in the center of where everyone with opposing views is.
Moving to a lower cost of living area might be a great thing or the worst mistake of my life. Right now I’m too afraid to make that jump, but it’s also the best time for me to do it. I’m recently unemployed and have no real ties to anything in the state I live in now, so why not make the move? I’d just need a job offer first…
I’ve been applying to places all over the United States to see if anyone would even consider me before my lease is up, but that doesn’t seem to be happening. No one’s hiring right now. Heck, that’s even how I lost my job. Not much to do as a recruiter’s assistant if there aren’t any jobs the recruiters are working on.
I definitely think that my previous set of co-workers all being in relationships or happily married with kids played a role in how I’m feeling now. All except one was in a relationship, but she also had a son to take care of. That was a fun time when the Office Manager and HR Manager both managed to become pregnant around the same time…
I’m watching as people my age and even younger are finding their soulmates, getting married, and starting families, and I’m just sitting here, swiping left over and over again.
I’ve tried just about every free dating app there is. I deleted a lot that weren’t very popular and I was going through the search pool like crazy, so I’m stuck with OkCupid, Bumble, and now Facebook dating for the time being. Even with these apps I have the search parameters set the farthest they can go because at this point I’ll take a random guy in Europe if they’re genuine and we connect over someone closer who I don’t find attractive.
It’s not that I’m not swiping right, I am, it’s just that I’m not matching with people. The few I have matched with either couldn’t hold a conversation or got offended that I wasn’t about to give them my number five minutes into talking. It just seems like I can’t win.
So, now I sit here in my bedroom that I spend most of my time in, wondering what could have gone so wrong as to make me 30 with no prospects at dating at all, no career, and no real destiny. I really am a Millennial Spinster.
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