I’m a Millennial Spinster and I Hate It

I’m a Millennial Spinster and I Hate It

I'm a Millennial Spinster and I Hate It // I am a Millennial Spinster and I hate it. What's a millennial spinster? You'll have to click here to find out more! #millennial #spinster #millennialspinster #alone #foreveralone

I am a Millennial Spinster and I hate it.

What’s a millennial spinster? Well:

mil·len·nial

a person reaching young adulthood in the early 21st century

spin·ster

an unmarried woman, typically an older woman beyond the usual age for marriage.

I’m someone entering their 30s with no relationship in sight. And it hasn’t been for lack of trying. I’ve been officially single since 2010 when I broke up with my then boyfriend when I was in college. I’ve been on dating apps and meeting people with no luck at all. I feel I’m destined to die alone.


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I am a Millennial Spinster and I Hate It

I’ve swiped left on so many people that I’m starting to feel like something is wrong with me. I’ve gone through so many people on various apps that I tend to run out of options in my area. Sometimes they allow you to widen the search, sometimes then don’t. That makes me feel worse.

I even tried a pseudo relationship at one point. We basically acted like we were dating but there was no official title. Granted, it was long distance and I felt like I put more into it than I got out of it some days, but even that didn’t work.

I feel like there really is something wrong with me because I just don’t find the men (or women) I’m seeing pop up on these apps appealing. I’m not even looking for a prince charming, either! I’m looking for an average dude. I prefer my tall nerdy guys and apparently they just don’t exist any more. Maybe they all found nerdy girlfriends in college and they’re all off the market.

Over the years I’ve been seeing less and less of people who are average or fit and more and more guys who are obese. I’m personally not attracted to overweight guys. Both my parents are obese and I see how terrible their lives are because of it. I want to do everything in my power to prevent myself and any potential partner from going down that route.

I’m no gym bunny myself, and I know I’ve gained weight during this lock down, but I feel like the type of guy I’m looking for just doesn’t exist anymore.

Part of me feels it could also be due to my changing in views on various things. I’ve become more moderate in a lot of my views on many things over the past few years, so seeing someone with completely opposite views of mine on a dating app just isn’t going to appeal to me. And I think I’m smack in the center of where everyone with opposing views is.

I’ve honestly contemplated moving just to have new opportunities in the various parts of my life that are lacking: friendships, relationships, and career.

Moving to a lower cost of living area might be a great thing or the worst mistake of my life. Right now I’m too afraid to make that jump, but it’s also the best time for me to do it. I’m recently unemployed and have no real ties to anything in the state I live in now, so why not make the move? I’d just need a job offer first…

I’ve been applying to places all over the United States to see if anyone would even consider me before my lease is up, but that doesn’t seem to be happening. No one’s hiring right now. Heck, that’s even how I lost my job. Not much to do as a recruiter’s assistant if there aren’t any jobs the recruiters are working on.

I definitely think that my previous set of co-workers all being in relationships or happily married with kids played a role in how I’m feeling now. All except one was in a relationship, but she also had a son to take care of. That was a fun time when the Office Manager and HR Manager both managed to become pregnant around the same time…

I’m watching as people my age and even younger are finding their soulmates, getting married, and starting families, and I’m just sitting here, swiping left over and over again.

 

I'm a Millennial Spinster and I Hate It // I am a Millennial Spinster and I hate it. What's a millennial spinster? You'll have to click here to find out more! #millennial #spinster #millennialspinster #alone #foreveralone

 

I’ve tried just about every free dating app there is. I deleted a lot that weren’t very popular and I was going through the search pool like crazy, so I’m stuck with OkCupid, Bumble, and now Facebook dating for the time being. Even with these apps I have the search parameters set the farthest they can go because at this point I’ll take a random guy in Europe if they’re genuine and we connect over someone closer who I don’t find attractive.

It’s not that I’m not swiping right, I am, it’s just that I’m not matching with people. The few I have matched with either couldn’t hold a conversation or got offended that I wasn’t about to give them my number five minutes into talking. It just seems like I can’t win.

So, now I sit here in my bedroom that I spend most of my time in, wondering what could have gone so wrong as to make me 30 with no prospects at dating at all, no career, and no real destiny. I really am a Millennial Spinster.

 

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This Post Has 5 Comments

  1. Michael Kelly

    Based on my own experience and what you wrote, I would say two things

    1.) Nothing has gone wrong. Sometimes the situation we are in along with the people we meet along the way are such that no one comes along that we want to be in a relationship with for the long term. It is not a reflection of ourselves that is the case.

    2.) Better to be a spinster than be in a relationship with someone that we don’t love.

    I can really relate to this post because I was in a similar situation to you. I was 29 when I got married for the first time. The last serious relationship I had was when I was 18. Even though I felt I was in love with the person I married that first time. I really wasn’t in love. I was just desperate and married only so I wouldn’t be single anymore. That was a poor excuse for a marriage. After three years we divorced.

    I did finally find someone that I was in truly in love with after another a few years of looking for someone else. A few years of meeting people that to me where for a lack of a better term where losers. They where not really losers but people that I didn’t find compatible with me. That I started to wonder myself if I would find someone that I could be in a long term relationship especially at my late age. When I did find someone on the other side of the world that I did marry and we have been married for twenty years this year.

    My advice to you would to keep looking. There is nothing wrong with you because everyone else if married and has a family and you do not. You need to find someone that wants to be with you and supports you but also that you feel comfortable with and want to spend the rest of your life with. That can be hard to find that someone.

    Some people get lucky and find that person right away. Other people settle for someone who will marry them so they are not alone. But a lot of us just have to keep failing at finding someone until the situation comes along that presents us with someone that we are in truly in love with.

    One thing I would suggest based on my own experience. Is to keep your eyes open for that right person. We have an idea of what is the right person, but until we do find that right person how do we know for sure? We often focus on what we think is the right person and never find them. While people who might be people that we could be in a relationship and have a happy life with go unnoticed because we never consider a person like that.

    I say that because the person I am married with was someone I would never consider being the right person. It was only because of circumstances that I saw more to this person and we fell in love each other. If those circumstances never happened I would have disregard them as not being what I thought was “right”.

    Relationships are tricky things. There is no one thing that will make a difference. Just have to keep trying and hoping to meet that person. That is the same for everyone regardless of who they are as a person. Until we find that person we have to keep trying and failing.

    I wish you all the best in finding someone and losing the title of spinster. But if it never comes about there is nothing wrong with being a spinster. Sure spinsters stand out in a world with relationships and be jealous of people who are in those relationships, but they can take comfort from the fact that they did try and did what was best for them. That is a lot better than settling for someone who is not right for them just so they could lose the title of spinster.

    I hope you have a good day and things become better for you in these tough times 🙂

  2. Tumi

    This really does sum my life right now. The title got me curious coz it’s exactly me. I don’t really have any words of wisdom but I’m glad that someone out there feels the same way I do! So we’re in this together!!

  3. Jeremy

    Well I just got divorced. That was an unpleasant and expensive experience. I’m a 33 6 2 engineer, I’m shape, no debt and I’m finding most women on the dating apps to be obese (I agree with you there, not appealing), mutilated with facial rings/tattoos or with kids (I’m not going to raise another man’s kids and the expense is something I’m going to avoid) or leftists who love their politics for than they could love a partner (especially if that partner is part of a group that is apparently oppressing them). I’m just not that interested in dating or relationships anymore. I’ll keep a line out but I’m not that bothered. Many guys have been burnt and have just removed themselves from the market.

    1. shortstuffblog

      Yep. It’s just not a good selection pool overall anymore. I’m thinking of doing the same and removing myself from the market.

      XO Steph

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