Friends with benefits is an interesting situation to land yourself in. Not everyone is meant to be in that kind of situation, and a lot of the times, when you spend a large amount of intimate time with someone you can potentially end up with romantic feelings for them.
This is a common problem that happens with a strictly sex kind of relationship. You’re spending all this intimate time with another person, it’s not wonder you’ve fallen for them, right?
Unfortunately not ever friends with benefits situation is meant to move on to something more meaningful. And that’s okay. But you need to figure out a few things before you try to take thing to the next level.
Help! I’ve Fallen for My Friends with Benefits
I was recently in this situation myself. I had a friend with benefits and I started to develop feelings for them. But, I was able to quash those feelings by talking it out with my partner and seeing if they felt the same way.
They did not.
But that’s okay. Not everyone is meant to move to the next level of intimacy, sometimes you’re meant to stay with the level of “friendship” you currently have, and that’s not your fault.
However, there are a few things to do when you realize you’ve fallen for your friends with benefits.
The first step is to recall or figure out what the boundaries are for your relationship. Some people have strict boundaries they set when starting a situation like this and make it very well known when you get together that they have no desire to develop a relationship further than just casual sex.
But not everyone is that lucky.
Personally, I would attempt to have a talk about this kind of thing before or after the first encounter to make sure both of you are on the same page. If not, communication is the only key to getting through this.
You need to know where your boundaries are and where their boundaries are. Otherwise it becomes a giant mess of emotions and you won’t get anywhere.
So, call up, text, smoke signal, whatever way you use to communicate with your partner, do so and see what their thoughts are on if either of you were to develop feelings through the relationship.
What does that mean? Does that end the relationship entirely? Do you continue the relationship but try to force yourself to get over them in the process? Can you handle having an intimate moment with someone who you have romantic feelings for but doesn’t feel the same way back?
Personally, I would probably end the relationship then and there if there was no desire to turn it into a romantic relationship. This most recent time I got lucky in that I wasn’t as attached as I thought I was so I was able to remove romantic feelings from the equation. However, I might only be pushing those feelings aside and they might just come back to bite me in the ass later on.
Decide if Staying is Worth It
Usually when a relationship is one sided, it isn’t worth it to stay in it. I’ve been in romantic relationships where things were one sided and I was burnt out really quick and was left feeling jaded and bitter.
Don’t let that be you.
If you’re the one with the feelings, you need to decide if the company of someone you love is worth it, even if they don’t love you back.
And that can be very hard to do.
Sometimes we’re so caught up in the love that we don’t realize how damaging that’s going to be in the long run. Like I said, a one sided relationship usually never works out in the long run. Either they’re going to get tired of you, or you’re going to start feeling crushed by their lack of reciprocation.
You can’t manipulate someone into loving you, and you can’t force them to love you either, so unless there’s something so magical about this person, I would personally walk away.
It’s going to take a lot of strength to do that. It’s hard enough to break up with someone when you’ve fallen out of love with them, but it’s even worse when you’ve fallen for someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you.
This could mean to a new friends with benefits, to being single, or to a new relationship.
Whatever you’re moving on to, move on.
There’s nothing good coming from playing with your own emotions like that.
I have a friend who is refusing to move on from his friends with benefits because he is in love. He knows it’s a terrible idea but he’s so in love that it doesn’t matter to him. He’s even gotten to the point of trying to make him do things that mean one thing for him but another for themselves.
It’s not a good place to be in, and you’re going to be heartbroken, but the truth of the matter is you matter more than that relationship. If they wanted to be with you romantically, they would let you know.
If they haven’t, it’s time to go.
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